Naruto: The immortal son
by Tammy Two Paws
Summary: There have always been talk about servants of ancient gods. I never cared about it until the day I made a ritual without knowing the effects. But then again, being HIS disciple may not be that bad. Pairing undecided, if any. T, may be M for gore later.
1. Meh, could be worse

…**Okay, I really have no excuse. I have been AFK for longer than I care to think, and when I first come back again, what do I do? BRING A NEW F*CKING STORY! But what can I say, I got the idea suddenly one day, and I finally get another chance to make a bloodthirsty Naruto! *Glittery eyes and beach-with-waves background, horribly mentally scarring several people.* **

**Great, now I have to clean the floor of foaming people. *Silent mutter of 'Ohhh, glittery'.* Now, where is my flamethrower? AND WHY DOES ALL OF MY AN'S TURN OUT SO FREAKISHLY HUGE?**

**Extra note: I am going to use words from two languages not English. They are Latin and Japanese, simply because it sounds awesome, and I love Latin. AND Naruto will not have acted like canon all the time. He's naturally more cynical and a bit smarter since Canon irritates me. Canon plots… Ehh, don't bet on it. Some parts of this story will be a bit… graphical… when it comes to the gore and general mauling, so for all you gore-fanatics: ENJOY IT WHEN IT HAPPENS! I am so twisted~**

_Disclaimer: WHY KISHIMOTO? WHY DID YOU "KILL" HIDAN AND ITACHI? Well, you DID technically revive Itachi… I'll let you off this time… Just this time. But if Naruto dies, hell will be raised._

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Some crunching of leaves and twigs were heard as a teenage boy in an orange and blue jumpsuit landed on the forest ground, a huge scroll on his back.

"Heh, I can't believe how easy this went! The old man should really have some better guards."

He laid the scroll on the ground and opened it a bit… then a bit more… and more.

"Dammit, how come all of this seems so sucky? The Shiki fuujin? Meh, next. Kage Bunshin? Could be useful… Hmm, just one sign? Cool, I can remember that!"

As he was going to try it out, his eyes caught something else, something best left unseen… But his curiosity won over his ecstasy for Kage Bunshin.

"Fumetsu no musuko? Huh, I wonder what that is… Hmm, blah blah blah, ancient ritual, blah blah blah… Make this symbol inside your palm with your own blood and do the following signs… Meh, worth a try."

And he did what the scroll said. He cut his palm and drew the symbol, (Which looked like a triangle within a circle) and did the necessary hand seals and… nothing.

"WHAT? But I did everything! Stup-"

The rest of what he was going to say was silenced when a thrown kunai entered his head, instantly killing him.

"Heh, filthy demon." Came from the murderer, his hair silvery and greasy. **(1)**

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It was… indescribable.

**"Heh, so… Another one."**

He could remember floating in a strange void, mystifying pictures and images floating around him.

**"Who would have thought that another one would find that ancient rite?"**

He felt something weird around him there too. Some kind of silky feeling, filling him with power.

**"If I am lucky, I may just get what I want."**

He had just been there for a moment though, but for him, it felt like several months, even years.

**"Just have your disciples Kami…"**

He felt a burning in his palm, the same palm he wrote the symbol.

**"Because soon…"**

And now, he floated upright in front of a god, in what looked like an endless wasteland…

**"With the help of my minions…"**

And strangely enough, a grin spread across his whiskered face.

**"I will be the next ruler of this world."**

For he knew who the god was instinctively. A god that filled him with bloodlust, with battle lust, with insanity.

**"Yes, this will be a good time for me."**

The ancient deity, banished from Kami's hall…

**"Listen to me now, child."**

Jashin.

**"You and I shall have a little discussion."**

"…Of course."

A smile came to the wretched god's sunken face, his tattered robe fluttering in wind from… somewhere.

**"Boy… Do you have any idea what you have done at all?"**

"Well, by the looks of it, either A: pissing of a god, or B: Just 'damned' myself to eternal servitude to said god…"

A chuckle left him, chilling Naruto to his bones… This, in a way, is strange since he is dead.

**"You just finished the ancestral ritual of the Jashinist church. You may have noticed that the ritual didn't work at once. The reason for that is simple, and I will tell you why.**

A portal opened, showing the silver-haired man Mizuki, his ex-teacher.

**"This lovely man here killed you, which is the part you forgot to read from the scroll. A true Jashinist is neither dead nor alive, nor is he what you may call a zombie. A revenant is what he is, a ghost taken psychical form. I will not tell what this grant you except one thing…"**

He floated slowly closer, his bony hands, but still not quite skeletal hands, on each side of the blonde teens head.

**"Immortality."**

Naruto stared inside the yellow glow where the deity's eyes should have been, shock etched through his whole body.

"You can't be serious." He whispered, his words more of a statement than a question.

**"I am the god of bloodshed and destruction,"** He said haughtily. **"I do many things, but joking about my powers is not one of them."**

One blink, two blinks, three blinks, and he got a thought.

"Wait, wait, wait! You've got to have had some disciples waaaaaaay before the elementals was assembled, right? What the hell happened to them?"

If Naruto didn't know any better he would think that the air became chillier.

**"Yes, I have had several disciples, but none of them grasped immortality like you and one other person." **The god actually took a breath.

**"This man," **A portal opened, showing a black-haired man with a moustache. **"Was named Gilles de Rais. One of several commanders of a grand army that saved their country. He was a rich man, but used most of it on a play about his "grand" exploits. He found one of the old tomes, but misinterpret one little part… Dare to guess which part?"**

"The suicide part?"

**"Hehehe, Suicide is not necessary as long as you die a short time after the ritual. Instead of killing himself, he instead began to kidnap children in most ages. Boys and girls, children and teens, he didn't care, and he sacrificed them all to try and summon me too him. Hooks and cords, slitting throats, he did it all… he also sodomized them, but I don't really care for that." **He ended nonchalantly.

The golden-haired teen wrinkled his nose.

**"Now, I'm just going to talk about one more guy." **The portal changed, showing kind of a short man with a weird moustache and slick hair.

**"This man was named Adolf Hitler, one of the most hated men in history."** A… proud grin? Nah, more crazy.

**"Made fun of as a child, his dreams crushed when a teen and young adult, joined the army and lost the first war. Became a politician, lead a revolt and got imprisoned for it. Made a book, got out of jail, and once again became the political leader of his beliefs. Became the leader of his country, exiled, murdered and sacrificed almost a whole race, started a second war, lost it, and ultimately killed himself… Didn't become immortal though, for he failed the ritual, but that doesn't mean the sacrifices avoided my realm."**

Seeing a pattern here, Naruto let out a snort of laughter.

'Basically, everybody who has ever served him has been crazy and directly bloodthirsty mass-murderers… Meh, I could have had MUCH worse fates.'

And so it happened. Naruto did something that he never believed he would do; He kneeled in front of someone, but this time, this time it would be worth it.

"I may be a brat, but even I know when you should kneel. So, what is your bidding… master?"

He actually snorted!

**"At your current strength? Nothing else than gain strength, and if possible, disciples. You are simply not strong enough yet… But I have one question."**

Fear. Fear permeated the air, and it filled him. He didn't know why, but he just knew that whatever answer he gave, it better be a good one.

"Y-Yes my lord?"

**"… Blade, pole arm or ranged weapon?"**

A cloud of dust rose up from the ground as Naruto face planted, eliciting a roaring laughter from Jashin.

He jumped to his feet, shaking his fist at the ancient god while mumbling about his new idiotic boss.

**"Khe he he, you should have seen your face! Ahh, anyway, back to point. I'm serious when I ask you this, blade, pole arm, mace or ranged weapon?"**

"Err…" Blinking in confusion, he answered with a very simple, "Pole arm?"

**"Staff, staff with blade, scythe, bardiche?"**

"Emm… Bardiche."

**"Single axe-head, double axe-head, star-head, blades on both ends?"**

He tried to hold it in, he really did, but the twitch in his eye broke through when he heard just WHAT type of weapon it is.

"It's… an axe?" A godly nod. "… If I am blown to smithereens, will I be able to regenerate or something?"

He nodded again. **"Of course, thanks too that furry in your gut, it will be pretty hard to hold you down for long."**

His twitch increased. "What… furry?"

**"What? Don't know? Eh, you have that demon in your gut, Chupa or something."**

"You mean Kyuubi?" **"That's the guy."**

He could now feel a vein pulsating somewhere around his head. "The freaking Kyuubi no kitsune… That's… actually kinda cool." And there the vein disappeared.

Really, only an idiot would think otherwise. He could just dream about what he could do with this new info. Maybe coax some information and favors out of the old man. He had always been such a bad liar anyway, letting his eyes drift way too much. Maybe he could get a little look inside the library in the tower, maybe finding something cool about his new… Religion? Ideology? Principles? Actually a hard subject to discuss with himself since he knew basically nothing about being a Jashinist.

"Exactly how do I sacrifice people to you? And I choose the double-edged, one-ended axe, sounds cool." He should probably get some knives to throw in case of a long-distance fight. Maybe an awesome jutsu that ends with a big bang?

Somehow the god had got a nail file and had started to fix his nails. **"There is two simple ways. One, you see that mark inside your palm? By focusing chakra inside it, you can burn-mark an exact copy on another person. With a bit of his or her blood an there you go. Two, you can draw that same mark on the ground, around one, one-half diameter around you, take some of his or her blood and there you go again, but you HAVE to stay inside the circle for the curse to work. Any damage you take with either method will be inflicted on the cursed person, so if you really want too, you can simply stab yourself in the head or something." **He was still working on his nails.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "What's the catch?"

The next moment he was lifted up in the air, Jashins' hand clutching his head.

**"Do not think that I am one of those so-called deity's that talk in tongues and riddles filled with holes and loopholes! I do not promise power, glory, fame and money if you do as I say, and then take it all away since the action strides against my laws! You can do whatever you want; Kill, love, hate, goad, live in a cave all alone for the rest of eternity, I really do not care. I have just one command: Do not try to usurp my powers or I will destroy you like the mortal you were! I am giving to my loyal followers, but I can take it all away in a moment's notice, so you should be careful about what you say, **_**boy!**_**"**

He was dropped to the ground, trying to regain his breath after having it been knocked out of him from the force of the god.

**"I will give you a mission."** Once again the portal opened, showing the silver-haired man, and a brown-haired man with a scar fighting each other.

**"I want those two in my domain."**

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**AN: This chapter flowed pretty easily to be honest. Take note: This is the prologue; the REAL chapters will be longer by at least 3 pages. I try to better my limit. It was supposed to come out on Naruto's birthday, but I got lazy, so yeah.**

**Anyone read the last chapter in the manga? If Kabuto/Muu managed to summon Madara Uchiha, then who is the man behind the mask… Wait, I got a sudden thought. Madara said, "I am just a shadow of my former self." Does that mean he has managed to duplicate himself, but at the cost of his powers?**

**Tell me what you believe, and please tell me what you think about the start of my new story!**

**Bye bye.**

**(1) Fumetsu no musuko means: The immortal son. Yes, I did change things, ain't I evil... IS AIN'T A REAL WORD?**


	2. Stabbity stab stab fluffy!

**AN: WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… AND YOU SLIMY MONSTER!**

**This chapter would have been out earlier, but… I bought Mount and Blade 2… I like the game… I was lazy… DON'T JUDGE ME! (Or do) After this one, it will be updates once every week, on Sundays… What? If it comes out THIS Sunday?... No comment. If no, then be ready for an extra-long chapter then!**

**I have noticed something. Every time I write, I try to convey what the characters feel with as short phrases as possible, and I think it is fairly effective. Now here is my question: Do you, my readers, think that I write in a way that is enjoyable too you? Heck, I can understand it if it's pretty boring to read, my mind is pretty simple after all… And being able to write in several styles is pretty good when learning actually.**

**It is terribly amusing to write in first person view! I will make at least one part in every chapter devoted too that! (I.E. I will continue that side-plot thingy of mine.)**

**LET'S GO!**

**WARNING: NON-ENGLISH LETTER COMING HERE! The letter is Ø. It is pronounced somewhat between a U and an A in English.**

_Disclaimer: I am unsure. Should I post this as an M rating, or a T rating? It WILL be pretty gory after all… What? No I am not a freaking billionaire. DO I LOOK JAPANESE TO YOU?_

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~? Point of view~

I will damn all people who say that sleeping for several hundred years are bad for your health.

Haven't felt this good in a long time really. I should really take such naps more often, and by the looks of it, the world is still here, so hurray for that… I feel like I forgot something… Oh well, it'll come back to me later… I hope.

As I walked out of the cave, I felt a strange sense of anticipation, like I just KNEW something big has happened, but I just couldn't understand what. May have something to do about sleeping for some time… Nah.

Can't remember this forest here though. Time sure flies when you sleep. I could have sworn I had a companion.

Oh wait, there he is! Wow, you really haven't eaten well. You should get out some more, meet the sun. Try to eat something too, you're so bony… No? Well fuck you then.

Talking to a skeleton, a great way to start the day. Now, where is the closest Jacuzzi? Maybe tha… What was that.

Somehow I managed to say that more as a statement than a question. I find this weird since it was a question, but anyway.

… It feels… familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. But then again, my fingers are pretty stiff now, so that may be a bit much to expect from me so soon.

"Is it you, Jørgen?" I muttered to the forest, feeling like it tried to encompass me.

I hadn't seen him in a long time.

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A sharp chime of steel hitting steel rung through the forest. Animals ran from the place of the fight, ninjas were scurrying around trying to find one boy, and an old man was stroking his goatee, an amused smirk on his lips.

"If it wasn't for the fact that Mizuki is a traitor, I would have given him a raise for that."

His hat tilted forward, shadowing his face into an eerie visage.

Back to the battle. The silvery-haired man now identified as Mizuki was struggling against his long-time friend, and he was using the word very loosely. A gash here, a throbbing mark there, but nothing major had been dealt to him… yet.

Iruka couldn't understand it, nor could he believe it. His best friend, the one that has been with him since the academy, was a traitor to Konoha. HIM, A TRAITOR! And he had seen the body, seen the body of most precious student.

"WHY MIZUKI? WHY DID YOU DO IT? STEALING THE SCROOL, KILLING NARUTO, IS IT ALL WORTH IT?"

"Of course it's worth it!" He sneered. "I KILLED THE KYUUBI! I AM GOING TO BE KNOWN AS A HERO, AND WITH THE POWER INSIDE THE SCROLL, I WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE!"

"Oh really?"

Pure shock was etched on their faces when they heard that voice, and a moment later Mizuki jumped away from his position, for that voice came from behind him.

As Iruka's eyes instinctively followed Mizuki, they both missed how the figure licked his left pointing finger.

'Definitively tasted better things in my life.'

There he stood, with blood coming covering his body and clothes, a small patch of hair missing from his back-head, a grin on his face that was a bit disturbing, and a strange gleam in his eyes. Strangely enough, his left eye also twitched for a moment.

"You know, killing a citizen of Konoha is punished by death. I wonder what way I will end you…" He trailed of, his feet beginning to move towards the, now, terrified man.

"S-STAY AWAY FROM ME KYUUBI!"

It didn't affect him at all. If anything, his grin only widened.

"Ohh, that is the second law that you just broke. I will have to make your punishment a bit… worse now." He ended, suddenly shooting forward.

Mizuki jumped in the air long before Naruto came in his range though, for where he just stood was another blonde with his right heel on the ground, a very slight dent indicating that it would have hurt.

His joy was brought to an end when he felt a sharp pain on the side of his head, sending him towards a tree. His (Kind of poor) ninja skills showed when he managed to right himself in the air and attacked himself to the aforementioned piece of wood.

'How did he?' It was then he noticed it. There was more than one Naruto, which could only mean one thing.

"I-Impossible… THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ANY CLONES!"+

All of them smirked and puffed away, showing that none of them was the real one.

"Believe what you want," His neck turned so fast everyone there was surprised he didn't commit suicide right there. "But I will be nice to you now. I won't move from this spot, so you can do what you want."

Without thinking, Mizuki threw a pair of Kunai at the new Jashinist's feet, hoping to disable him long enough for him to kill the little brat. (Again.)

To his (and the currently forgotten Iruka) immense surprise, Naruto didn't move at all, but before the current traitor within a 3 mile radius could even think about looping of the kids head, he felt a sharp pain at his legs… At the exact same place as he stabbed Naruto.

He lost his concentration, shock etched on his whole body, and he began his descend towards earth, his mind blank on how he could save himself now. He didn't want to land on his feet, in fear of increasing the pain, but if he landed on anything else, he knew he would lose the fight against the Kyuubi! He made the choice to land on his back, reinforcing it with chakra in a vain attempt of survival.

He would have landed moderately intact if he didn't get a handstand-kick right at the point of impact. He screamed out, his body bending in a curvy angle, and Iruka flinched when he heard several snaps come from his once best friend. The clone dispelled a moment after.

"Aww, that wasn't very nice. He broke his leg because of that impact."

Iruka stared in total disbelief as Naruto continued to taunt the heavily breathing man, the boy's hand sliding into his pouch. He then noticed the mark on the forest ground.

"I think I have to remove a bit of your blood now." He sneered, his arm retreating from the pouch, holding a Kunai. The next moment, he drove it into his tight, slowly dragging it downwards as he hissed in pain. Mizuki gave a bit more… vocal declaration of how he felt.

A scream that tore through the forest came from his mouth, his whole body stiff in pain as he tried to understand how the hell Naruto managed to do that.

"N-Naruto?" The mutter went unnoticed by the kid as he violently ripped the kunai out, emitting another scream from the fallen man. Another scream came when Naruto stabbed himself in the stomach, earning a soft gasp of pain from the self-mutilating kid.

'I hope I get used to this fast, or this will become VERY annoying, very fast.' While he thought this, his leg finished healing, which sadly enough didn't happen to the (technically) child murderer.

Of course, he grunted pretty heavily in pain when his liver fell out.

Ripping his kunai out again, he this time positioned it in front of his chest, right above his heart.

Iruka didn't know what to do. Obviously Naruto had snapped, but with that weird technique of his still activated, it would be extremely stupid of him to attack Naruto directly.

He made his choice.

'Fire style: Great fireball technique.' A fireball easily 5 meters in diameter was sent out of his mouth, heading straight towards the now wide eyed Naruto. Of course, since the big ball of scorching doom covered the teachers' field of vision, he also didn't see the manic glint in his former student's eyes.

"I am sorry Naruto." He whispered, his tears beginning to fall towards the ground.

A strangled scream came from his former assistant, and for a good reason. For when Iruka turned to stare at him, his body was already severely burned, some parts even blackened completely.

With a last strangled cry, Mizuki finally succumbed to the pain and injuries, his face melting as his eyes became covered with the waxy skin.

The flames ebbed out, and to Iruka's horror, the figure inside the smoke was still standing.

Despite the pain, Naruto was in total ecstasy. He had never felt something akin to this sensation that filled his entire body. It was indescribable; a feeling without context that filled him to the brim. He stood there, eyes dazed as his body fixed itself, ('Thank you, Kyuubi') totally forgetting his other target at the moment.

As the blackened skin regenerated itself, Iruka took a step back, snapping a twig on the way.

Eyes snapping towards the man, Naruto gave his best contently tired smile.

"Hi Iruka."

He couldn't help but be a bit tense. He inspected the boy, tried to see any proof that he tried to trick him. It was nagging at him that the boy changed his emotions from a sadistic self-mutilator, to a calm child. He took a step forward.

"Naruto?"

He bowed his head. "I am sorry you had to see that."

He smiled a small smile, walking forward until he encompassed the boy in a hug.

"It's okay… I think you deserve this."

He took of his headband and tied it around the bloody boy's neck, earning a smile from Mr. Whiskers.

"Iruka. You see this mark on my palm?" He nodded. "If I mark someone with it, they will be immune to the curse I inject on someone when I get some of their blood. I will mark you now, if you want."

He hesitated for a moment, his eye twitching faster than Naruto could see towards the other mark on the ground, the mark Naruto made. But… Naruto wouldn't lie about something like that… Would he? No, no he wouldn't. He trusts Naruto.

"Sure, go ahead."

He held in a hiss of pain when he felt the mark being burned on the skin on his arm. 10 seconds later, Naruto removed his hand, the mark glowing red for a moment before it went black.

He sighed in relief for a moment, that was, before he gasped in pain when he felt his other arm being sliced.

Jumping away from Naruto, he saw him licking the blade of the kunai, taking in the blood that was dripping from it.

"I can't believe you really fell for that simple sympathy trick. And you call yourself a ninja?"

He was now ready to slit his own throat. "No matter, I will end this now."

Just before he did it, another kunai came flying; hitting his kunai and making him drop it.

Iruka took the chance without hesitation. He ran as fast as he could towards his student, hoping to stop him without killing himself in the process.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his hand. He slowed down and checked the injury. One of the fingers was bent in an unhealthy angle, clearly broken.

Him slowing down is all Naruto needed. Jumping back towards his first mark, he used one of the kunai Mizuki threw at him and sliced his own tendons, crippling Iruka.

"I'll end this NOW!"

A sharp blinding pain, then he lost his sight, and at last he didn't feel anything more.

He couldn't help it. He shivered at the absolutely fantastic feeling that spread throughout his body. He could totally understand why someone would go into a murdering rampage when it comes to this strong feeling of… something. Still pretty hard to describe, but right now, he really didn't care.

He shivered a last time as he came down from his high, smiling all the while.

"Mission accomplished."

He went over to the scroll Mizuki had dropped during the fight, bemused that the silvery man just didn't run, and used his energy to escaping before Iruka came.

But then again, he never thought forward.

"Ahh, there you are my boy."

He stiffened, face paling as he instantly recognized that voice. The rumored mightiest person In Konoha, the man who survived the second and third world war, the God of ninja, and the professor. He also is known as Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage of the Fire nation, and also his new boss.

Of all the people who found him it HAD to be him! The only reason he managed to win against Mizuki (and Iruka respectively) was because he had the moment of surprise against them both; Mizuki with the Shadow clones and the first curse, and Iruka with deception and the second curse… He really had to name them something else than curse one and two. Maybe there are more of them? Okay, back to topic.

"Good day Lord Hokage. I was going back towards the village right now actually."

He nodded, face in a slight smirk. "And exactly what happened here?"

"When I failed the test, Mizuki came up to me with the promise that if I steal the scroll, I will be able to graduate. Well, I got the scroll, AND I learned a technique from it. Now, Iruka came and tried to capture me when Mizuki came and attacked us. He managed to almost kill Iruka before I stopped him with my Shadow clones. Iruka managed to hit him with a fireball, but Mizuki managed to throw a kunai at his throat!" He said, hoping that the old man wouldn't detect his little white lie.

Somehow, the old man had begun smoking his pipe. "Heh, you really think I am that senile?"

He walked slowly forward as Naruto backed away. After all, what help does immortality give when he could easily be disabled without any problems?

"You told the truth up to one part. I KNOW Mizuki killed you. I also know you did certain little ritual…" He took a puff from his pipe. "You did the ancient ritual, Fumetsu no musuko to be exact. Now, you may be wondering why there basically aren't any more immortals out there, hmm? The answer for that is simple, or not so simple, depends on ones point of view." He began pacing back and forth, occasionally taking a drag from his trusty pipe.

"As you know, this world was created by the gods, and because of that, there has been a constant struggle of who is supposed to rule this world. It's a no-brainer that Kami is the CURRENT ruler. All gods want to rule the world, and one of the most dastardly ones is Jashin. Can you guess what his plan was, and most likely still is? Now, before you answer, you should know this was a rhetoric question. Now, Jashin planned to make an army of immortals to conquest heaven, but this would have interfered with the balance between life and death." He took a glimpse at the boy, noticing him following his every word with rapt attention.

"Despite what many think, it's not Kami that is the giver of life. That position is held by Isis, also known as the goddess of a thousand names. She and another god named Hades, the ruler of the underworld, attacked Jashin, planning to trap him in the deepest pits of the universe. They succeeded, but not without consequences. The ritual in the scroll" Here he pointed at the scroll on Naruto's back. "Is bestowed in a strange magic which not even Kami has managed to unveil. If it by some chance ever disappears, there will be made a copy of it somewhere in the world, in a place that is destined to be found. Who finds it is left up to pure chance. What a brat he is." Even though he muttered the last part, Naruto still heard it.

"How do you know all this? And the consequences… What was it?"

How did he know all this? It didn't make any sense in the young teens mind.

The old man turned his pipe and tapped it, getting out the used tobacco. "How I know it is for me to know, and you to wonder. And the consequences? Well, who is supposed to be the lord if the underworld now? That is right, Yami… I will say this, I have had many interesting conversation in my life, but not all of them is from humans."

Before Naruto could even begin to think about stammering out a response, he felt his shoulder being held, and by the looks of it, the hand was wrinkly.

"I think it is time for us to continue our chat in a more… private area, don't you think?"

A swirling of leaves, then nothing. A moment later, the ANBU came upon the scene, beginning the clean-up procedure.

What they didn't see though, was a bespectacled observer who descended back into the earth.

'What a most interesting discovery, but at the same time, highly disturbing… My master will love this.'

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There was never much to do in the dark patch of land he was trapped in. Sure, he could fight against random monsters, and he had basically total control over everything there, (Except the 'getting the hell out' part) but it was just so…

**"BOOOORIIIIIIING"**

Exactly.

He had been trapped there for longer than he cared to remember. Was it before, or after the first purge? Ehh, at least he remembers it was a very cold day.

He also got a plaything when he got trapped. His good, old buddy Hades… Sadly enough, he's a masochist, so getting any pleasure out of torturing him is practically impossible when that damn idiot almost begins to MOAN when he vivisect him… Really, it is disturbing.

There are no hot chicks there either! Any idea how much he wants to do that guy just for the heck of it by this time? Three thousand more years, and he might actually do it! He felt like crying.

**"Fine, let's visit that damn idiot then."** He muttered, full of remorse. He may not leave this place, but he could always project a part of his spirit to his disciples. And now he was going to visit THAT guy.

*This place is censored because of some severely mentally scarring writing.*

He stared… Stared… Why can't he stop staring?

**'Why did I do this again?'**

He went back to his body, feeling like killing himself again for the 37573094th time… Or was it the 37578475th time? Bah, he couldn't remember.

But then he remembered it; He had just got a new disciple!

**"Please, who-the-fuck-is-listening. Please don't let him be as bad as Hidan."**

He just got it done with and projected himself to the boy.

**"A sewer… Lovely! Looks much better than my place… And Hidan's for that matter…"**

Jupp, a sewer. The walls are rusty in a nice red-orange-ish color with several pieces flaked of. The water was around a foot high, and by the looks of it, extremely grimy. And what lovely pipes! Transparent, and stuff! Oh, is that glowing stuff his chakra? Heh, quite a lot for a human, even for a container. That should mean that the red fluid is from…

**"OI, FLUFFY! WHERE AAAAAAARE YOOOOOOOOU?"** He actually began whistling after it.

**"Death-dammit. Why the hell did I get the deaf one?" ****(1)**

He actually had to follow the damn pipes! So not befitting a god like him.

FINALLY he got there. What a lovely cage! Just as grimy as everything else here. And that piece of paper really brings this place up.

Suddenly, a massive eye opened as Jashin walked past the bars. A moment later, gigantic claws were thrust at the god, who effortlessly stopped the claws with one, skinny finger.

**"Let us have a little chat, or what do you say…"** He grabbed the claw and crushed the point.

**"Fluffy?"**

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**I really like this chapter!**

**For once, I have not much to say. So… Yeah. As I have already said, my usual posting fate is once again on Sunday. I will try to keep it this time, but if I am gone for over a month, send rescuing parties.**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED, AND PLEASE REVIEW TO TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU HATED IT!**

**Until next time.**

**(1)- He is kinda weird, so expect some stupid swears from him.**


	3. The meeting and Unexpected weapon

**AN: HELLO THERE LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND MYTHICAL CREATURES WAITING TO EAT MY LEFT LITTLE FINGER! IT IS I, TEMEN NI GRU! **

**Originally, nothing was written here… And now it is something here! I like writing in first-person-perspective. Really, I do! It is so freaking fun! If I hit a major brainfart, I may write a whole chapter in… Secret-dude-that-is-so-secret-I-don't-even-know-his-name-yet's perspective. He WILL have a use later on, but for now, he is simply comedic relief. And yes, he IS strong… I will hopefully not make him a Gary Stu, but most other characters will hate him sooooo… Yeah.**

**I have found out I am a major liar. Why? Because I promised you a chapter… two-three weeks ago? I can't remember; my memory is not as good as it once was… (And I am not even twenty.) And what do I do? Yes, that is correct random blob of goo number thirty-seven, I DON'T FREAKING UPDATE!**

**SO REJOICE, because this chapter is hopefully pretty good, and at least ten pages by the time I am done. (Yes people, here comes the truth. I NEVER EVER change my Author Notes.) I still don't understand why my AN's turn so freakishly large, I mean, I can't have THAT much to say…**

**LET'S GO!**

**Fumetsu Kaji: Well I really hope so! I try to make stories that are a bit unusual. And thank you!**

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~? Point of view~

Well that was a minor disappointment.

Just an angry forest spirit. It was quite boring banishing it really; way to easy. Which means that Jørgen iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis… Not here… Bugger.

The damn spirit only made the foliage even worse!

…And I think he increased the amount of insects too.

"This damn place is all overgrown, I mean DAMMIT! Why can't people tend to nature anymore?" I sobbed childishly. Really, fighting my way through the overgrown foliage was becoming annoying… I wonder what would have happened if I blew it all away?

What's that over there? Ohh, a cottage! Maybe I can find someone there.

"HELLOOOOOOOOO." I yelled while I knocked on the door… Three seconds later, it fell apart, showing that it has been quite unused for a while… Wow, how long has that bird been in that wall?

*Twitch*

And it's moving… lovely… I do not think that it's supposed to move…

Oh well, it broke its own neck by twisting its head to hard, shame really. I give it nine out of ten in ugliness, but only a three for its poor survival instincts… Make it four; I think I see a feather.

Leaving that cozy hut behind I went forward to grand adventures!

I am lost again…

GODDAMIT, WHY IS THIS FOREST HERE? I feel like crying.

"Geh…" HAH, that energy-ball really cleared the area for a little while! I have to find a new sword, my last one corroded… But it can't be THAT clammy in the air here!

Oh well, first in my agenda, find a new sword, second, find that idiot Jørgen, third, find out how the world has changed, and at last, HAVE FREAKING FUN!

*Smack* Oww, stupid falling branch of doom. (Patented of course)

I should have kept sleeping. At least I wasn't assaulted by killer trees and flying branches! I do have this extremely annoying mosquito bite on my shoulder though… And because I now think about that damn sting, it now begins to itch… Damn, nature has really become unforgiving these last hundred years!

"What's next, a meteor landing?"

Wait, is that a glint in the air… Which is becoming bigger… and it's burning…

"I WAS KIDDING!"

And like that, swoosh, it disappeared…

"Thank god, it would have been a bitch putting my intestines back together if that hit me…"

*Smack* Oww… ANOTHER stupid falling branch of doom?

"What have I done to deserve this?" What? Sobbing like a child sometimes helps…

Great, mosquito.

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Leaves. Leaves everywhere. Over them, under them, besides them, all around them. No matter where they looked, they saw leaves.

Too bad it all was inside his office.

"Naruto, my boy. Please make me remember why I traveled THAT way, could you?"

All he got was a blank look, and the words "Because you're stupid?" back.

"Hmm, true, must give you that. I should have gone with the one that says Poof instead, but I really like the leaf one… Oh well, I am not the cleaning personnel here." He ended, smiling smugly which earned a snicker from the boy.

"So," He began, gaining the attention from the much, MUCH younger male in the room. "Tell me, how was he?" He did a small movement with his hand that seemingly did nothing. Some shadows shifted a bit in the room though.

"Oh, he wa-" He froze up. He simply couldn't move. He could barely breathe, even his eyes just managed to stare right in front of him.

Once again he was in a dark void, Jashin in front of him, holding him in the air.

A moment later he was eating metaphorical dust, for he had no idea what he just smashed into.

*SMACK* "Oww."

Somehow Jashin was below him, poking his forehead after smacking his chin.

**"Do you have anything between your ears at all?"** The nonchalant voice was full of mocking. **"You do know, that since you are now my disciple, that the gods will be watching you intently, right? Everything you say and do they will know… Yes, they will know if you jerk of too, but really, they don't care about that."** The kid couldn't help but blush at that bit anyway.

"Err… Sorry?"

If anything, the look he was given could have belonged to a dead person… even deader person… Naruto still couldn't decide if Jashin was a zombie or not.

**"There is one thing you should know though: The gods actually have some rules and stipulations they have to follow. Since someone OBVIOUSLY have talked to the old fart, they have used up most, if not all their influence for the next two-hundred and fifty years, meaning that even IF they know what you are doing at all times, they can practically do nothing to stop you. Only if you are stupid enough to challenge one of them you'll be in trouble. Not even Kami can break those rules, because it was the ORIGINAL deity that set up those rules to limit the powers astral beings can use. You should be careful though; you may be unlucky, and they may still have a bit of influence left."**

**"Now if you excuse me, I have a fuzzy, wuzzy little nine-assed fox to beat."**

And just like that, he was back at the office, but he could swear he heard something akin to "**RPG ON YO ASS BITCH!"**This lead to one single question:

"What the heck's an RPG?"

The answer he got was a blinking, wrinkly face set in a confused expression.

"A what?"

"Never mind."

A pregnant pause. A frog croaked. One of the leaves finally fell down from the bookshelf after having balanced on the very edge. If someone jumped from a roof miles away they could probably have heard it.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"How was he?"

"Sorry, not allowed to tell."

"Oh…"

Another pause…

Clapping his hand, Sarutobi went over to his desk. Mr. Whiskers noticed the change in atmosphere and followed, not really knowing what to do right now.

"Who would have thought you would become a Jashinist? And with the Kyuubi in you, you might actually be nigh-impossible to stop when you actually get some training. Tell me, exactly what do you know about being a Jashinist, EXCEPT for the fact that you have to sacrifice people."

"Umm…" He didn't know much. "Except for the fact that basically everyone has been insane… nothing really."

"At least you know the bare minimum, and before you ask, no, I won't spoil anything."

Sitting down, monkey man opened one of the drawers, rustling with some folders before finding the ones he wanted.

"By the looks of that headband, Iruka must have given you the honor of becoming a Genin of Konoha. Originally, I had already picked a team for you in case you actually passed the test. Things are now different."

He put the folders in front of Naruto.

"For generations the five main villages have been in constant conflict. We may always say that we are in an alliance and it's peace and all that junk, but really, do you believe that? We may have had three world wars, but the only reason they are called so is because they are known to the public." Once again his pipe was out, and the old man taking a drag.

"The fact that it is a constant power-struggle doesn't face me. What DOES face me is the fact that the academy is slowly turning worse. I must be honest and say that even I have been blinded when it comes to this village's grandeur, and the knowledge that we are hailed as the strongest nation has actually clouded my judgments. Nowadays we give the jounin teachers WAY too much trust when it comes what they will learn their students."

He poked the folders. "Inside each of these folders there will be information about your future potential teammates. I know for a fact you are smarter than you have shown in the academy, so I will give you the chance to give your OPINION of who you think will work best in a team with you."

He couldn't help but smirk. "I do not want a team. You know as well as I do that I am as good as immortal, and when it comes to the arrogance that ninjas have, all I meet will simply just attack me no matter how many times I regenerate. The chance of friendly casualties just increases if I have a team."

"Hmm… You still need a teacher though. Who do you plan training you? Jashin? Kyuubi? I really don't think that they will care about you that much."

Naruto leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk while resting his head on his palms, an eerie smile on his face. "About Kyuubi. When were you supposed to tell me about fluffy? Before or after snapping and brutally murdering all people within 3 miles around me? When I think about it, that doesn't sound that bad…" And he was gone in lala-land… Really, how did he turn so twisted, that fast?

A cough from the elderly man brought him back to this plane of existence.

"I would actually have told you after the test, IF you passed… Which you didn't at first. Yes, there was always the danger of you going on a blood-frenzy, but let's just say that we had plans of how to deal with those."

He actually got a bit unnerved because of the look the blonde gave him.

"…Sure, whatever. I let you go for now… I want an apprentice!"

The smoking man coughed up the aforementioned nicotine when he heard the request.

"WHAT? AND WHAT THE HELL Are… you… You want an undead apprentice, don't you." Strange how he made that sound more like a statement than a question.

"Catches on fast I see… Hey, don't you have a grandson? I bet he would be an awesome student!"

An unseen smirk came to the old man's face as he intertwined his fingers.

"And why should I give you my grandson? He already has a tutor, and he's an elite jounin to boot. What can you give my grandson that his current teacher cannot?"

Frowning, Naruto leaned back in his chair.

"If you had asked for any other child, I would most likely have been more lenient, but-" "One week."

The eyes that faced him made him reconsider his words, because those eyes were so mixed with emotions that he couldn't tell what the container was feeling.

"Give me one week to find something, one week where I can travel where I want… I bet I can find something that will leave your so-called elite stumped."

He had exercised his stoic face for many years, and he was proud of the fact that he had mastered it. He stared down at Naruto, seeing if there was anything he was hiding.

He nodded.

"One week. If you aren't back in one week, then I will make you a missing-nin. Kyuubi container or not, I will not give you any more special offers."

Naruto nodded and strangely enough, poof'd away, showing that it was a clone.

The third Hokage leaned back in his comfy chair, inhaling some nicotine from his pipe before exhaling the smoke out.

"Looks like he read the side-note in the scroll."

"Yes… What do you think?"

"With some training he may become a fine asset. We have been looking for someone to take on the more… radical mission."

Sarutobi nodded seemingly to no one.

"… You noticed it to, didn't you?"

"It wasn't that hard to miss really. They say that an insane person can feel several emotions at the same time while randomly switching between them, but what do you call a person who feel several emotions at the same time, but don't know how to express half of them? Being isolated destroys a person's social skills, along with his or hers emotional range."

"You know he is a flight-risk, right?"

"Yes, but IF he actually runs away, he won't attack this village simply because you will tell every ninja to CAPTURE him, not kill him… I wonder what would have happened if we decapitated him."

"I agree. Would he grow a new body from his head or a new head from his body? Maybe both, and then we would have two of him."

Taking another puff from his pipe, he stood from his chair and went over to the windows.

"He wants Konohamaru as his apprentice… It went easier than I thought."

"Sir?"

"Do you think he knows it?"

"That he's being used?... It wouldn't surprise me that he is the one using US. Remember, he has a god on his side. It may be planting commands in his mind for all we know."

He didn't answer. Once again he inhaled the tobacco, and when he exhaled, he went over to his desk, opened a drawer, got an old book with even older poems and stories in it, and opened it at a very specific page. He found the paragraph he was looking for.

_'There is a man in this world who has never smiled._

_You may know his tragedy, the later years, by heart._

_In the beginning there was a mother, father and a child._

_A troubled little silent boy, whose life they were to destroy.'_

He couldn't help but let loose a grim smile.

"And that is what scares me…"

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The world's least known Jashinist was in his apartment, (Actually not a bad apartment he might add) holding a weapon he was far from expecting. His left eye was actually twitching in irritation.

"… This… is NOT a polearm…"

The kid's perception skills were quite accurate. In his hand was basically a one-foot long metal rod. At the end of the metal rod, a flexible chain stuck out, maybe two feet in length. At the end of the chain was what Naruto dared call a pretty large ball with over a dozen spikes jutting out of it, one of them he accidently cut himself on even though he barely touched it. The rod was black with silvery ornaments on each end, and small rectangles appearing periodically. The chain and ball was, if he could say it any other way, a "dusty" combination of black and silver. **(1)**

Another twitch.

"Geh… Oh well, a weapon is a weapon I guess. I have to confess it looks awesome though, and with the chain, it will give me a pretty hefty striking power. At least it isn't a club."

**"What you are currently holding in your hand is called a flail. A pretty interesting weapon to use if I am honest with myself… Lying to yourself isn't healthy, so I am most likely honest."**And with that, the kid was unconscious.

Awakening in a sewer system isn't exactly what Naruto's favorite hobby is, but it's better than waking up in a garbage can after getting beaten up by some punks. One question was nagging at him while he walked down the corridor.

"Why are my clothes and feet still dry?

**"Because it is your mind, you idiot."**

Twitch.

He rounded a corner, and in front of him stood a great door. It was no grand decorations adorning it, nor were there some ominous torches at the walls either. It was simply a big, red door. A big red door that was slightly ajar.

Simply not caring what was behind it, he opened the door even more before walking in through the crack.

What he saw brought back a sense of nostalgia. A feeling that was quite ironic since he had been there barely a few hours ago. The desolated landscape is pretty hard to forget after all, and he could swear that he saw that huge castle that was now in front of him in the far distance at his first visit. As he walked towards the huge gateway, he absolutely ignored the slamming sound of the door shutting, and that the door disappeared in a black smoke that drifted towards the castle.

A castle (At least in the kids mind) was supposed to be grand, glorious and overwhelming with… Well, greatness. THIS castle though, was actually completely full. Stone, stone and more stone. He wasn't sure what type of stone it was, but one thing was sure. The stone was black. Black walls, black floors, black ceilings.

"Jashin must have saved a lot of time with choosing such a simple color."

How did he know where to go? Well, it may be his gut feeling, his connection with Jashin or Kyuubi, or it may be the fact that there was put of several signs saying 'This way to the absolutely awesome, trail blazing, eyebrow raising, not afraid to kill, totally afraid of Hidan's mind, The great lord Jashin.' **(2)**

Opening a random door at the end of a corridor, he was meeting with an empty void, with a platform where he was supposed to go. At the center of the platform was a small table. On one sat Jashin in a pretty comfortable looking chair, but at the other side sat a man with short, red-orange hair with black highlights. He was of an average built and height, around six feet tall with a lean body. (As far as he could see, which was pretty easy considering the fact that the man didn't wear a shirt.) Didn't really take a genius to know who he was, especially after seeing his red eyes.

What put him out of it a bit though was that they were playing cards. (Jashin's somewhat larger he noticed)

******"… You got any fives?"**

Kyuubi smirked. **"Go fish… You got any sevens?"** Obviously yes since two cards were thrown towards him.

His eyes flicked towards the moving object at the edge of his vision. He put down the cards face down and leaned back in the chair, his arms behind his neck, and one leg resting over the other.

**"So… You are the third one… If what the bad loser here says-" **He tilted his head, a fireball sizzling past. **"-Is true, then this will be some mighty hilarious centuries together. Someone could probably rip me out of you, but meh, I feel that staying with you will be fun enough."**

He blinked, then he blinked again before he turned his head towards the only god in the castle and asked one very simple, but not so simple, question.

"Third?"

**"You expect a deity that has been practically cut off from all worlds to manage to answer that question?"**

"Tsk, have to give you that one."

**"Anyway, yeah, you're the third one to house in… I'd say a hundred years maybe. I think the first one was that wood-users wife, can't really remember that well… The second one I'd rather forget." **He shivered, mumbling something about 'sadistic bondage-fetish bitch'.

The boy actually remembered something from one of the books he had somewhat read.

"Is it true that Madara or whatever-his-name-was-again controlled you?"

He snorted, he actually snorted. **"You really think he controlled me? Ple-ease, I may not be a god, but I am the damn strongest one of the Tailed beasts. He may have had a chance of controlling the one-tail Shukaku, but that is mainly because he already is bat-shit psychopathic, no mental defense at all… So no, he didn't control me; I actually just happened to sleep in a cave nearby, and when I checked what the fucking noise was about they both panicked…" **And now he giggled.

**"You won't believe how the spiky-haired idiot died. In his fear of seeing me, he actually lost his balance and landed face-first straight on the same kunai he was about to throw. What is even more fun is that he was standing on a sloped plateau, making him slowly slide into the river. Really, the only reason I was sealed was because I was almost dying of suffocation by laughter." **Another giggle. (True men can giggle)

The blonde stared slack-jawed at the entity before him, his mind trying to reboot after hearing that one of the strongest men in history died because he miss-stepped. A moment later he palmed his face, muttering "You've got to be shittin' me."

A moment of awkward silence followed before Jashin rose from his chair.

**"I have brought you here for two reasons Naruto."**He had almost forgotten the fact that he WAS technically summoned there.

**"The first reason is an explanation. As I know you have noticed, I didn't give you the weapon I promised. Simply enough, even if there's only a few who knows how to use a polearm, there is still many who knows how to defend against them. A flail on the other hand has not been seen in over a millennia, making it the most surprising, and possibly deadly weapon I can give you."**

******"THIS flail though is special. It was last used for over ten thousand years ago by a mighty sorcerer. This man, if I can even call him that, was the servant of a dark lord at the times, and he was a powerful warrior, and even in today's era he would have been powerful. His greatest strength was to incur pure fear into his enemies, and that was enchanted by a special hex he implanted on his weapon. It was even able to frighten a celestial being enough to weaken it in combat. You see where I am going with this?"**

"You want me to dominate my enemies with fear, make so their bodies can't react how they normally would have… That's genius! Why haven't people thought about that yet in the ninja world?"

**"Heh, what do you think? Arrogance is the root to all idiotic."**

**"I couldn't have said it better myself. The second reason is this: Neither me nor Kyuubi will be your teacher. Everything you want to learn, you have to figure out yourself. Now don't look so poopy-faced, we won't leave you completely empty-handed. Heh, at least you have a better head on your shoulders than my… Other... Disciple."**A shiver went down his spine as he remembered THAT event.

Naruto crossed his arms, a smirk forming on his face. "I have a feeling you watched my little meeting with the old man. Is this little 'gift' of yours what I need to get me what I want?"

Once again Naruto wondered how the god can stare at him with a 'How the fuck am I supposed to know?' look when he was almost a skeleton.

******"And exactly HOW can I promise that monkey boy will give away his own grandson to you just because you know something he doesn't? Remember, you ARE dealing with a wise human. He is deceptive, and will use you as much as possible. Never believe anything he says, read CAREFULLY through documents he wants you to sign, search his every word for hidden meanings, and most important of all: Annoy him as much as possible. Annoyance makes people slip up, if even for a moment."**

He nodded, easily understanding what he just was told because he already knew most of it.

"So, exactly how am I going to get this basic information of yours?"

**"There is a temple in Fire country that is inhabited by monks. Underneath their temple, there is a simple underground concept leading to a chapel. In that chapel, you will find all the information you need. You will ONLY get the basics, because all the strongest people in the world branched out from the basics, and did something extraordinaire with them."**

Jashin turned to Kyuubi, a non-existent eyebrow raised. **"And how did you know about that?"**

Kyuubi shrugged. **"I have lived for a long time. My memory is actually pretty good, and I remember small details."**

As the carrot-top finished his explanation, Naruto began to fade.

**"One last thing. You will find the basic training manual of how to use a flail in the chapel, and there is not only information about Jashinism there. I would take a good look at what's there if I were you."**

And with that, he left the empty void, and the two beings went back to their card game.

**"… Any queens?"**

A card in his face was the answer.

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**AND THAT'S CHAPTER 3… This one was both fun and boring at the same time, but oh well. I am actually pretty happy with this chapter.**

**A LOT OF TALKING HERE! MOST OF IT DIDN'T GIVE ANY CONTINUING SENCE, BUT I REALLY DO NOT CARE! AND WHY DO I YELL?**

**Well, not much to say now really… So yeah.**

**The "Poem" comes from the song "Caleb" By the band Sonata Arctica. Check them out.**

**(1)- You manage to guess who was the original owner of this flail? I will give you a hint: He dressed in a cloak.**

**(2)- This, my lovely readers, is an edited and shortened version of the many, MANY introductions Naruto make in the story 'Everyone has darkness'. It is, in my opinion, one of THE best evil Naruto stories out there. Sorry Darthemius for stealing it… DON'T KILL ME!**

**THAT'S ALL!**


	4. I hate this story! AKA rewrite imminent!

**FUCK THIS STORY!**

**Yes you heard me! I hate this story! It will be taken down later, and rewritten into the standard I freaking want it to be!**

**Now, before someone go into an angst-brigade because of either A: The story will be shut down, or B: Posting a chapter with nothing but info is illegal, (Yes I know, sorry about that) know this. Until the first chapter of the rewritten story is complete this… THING will stay up. (Both the story and the message.)**

**Sooooo… See you next time… I hope… I may start to focus on Lord of Beasts again BTW.**


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